When I was little I always dreamed of having babies of my own. I wasn’t sure that would ever happen. I was born with multiple health issues… Doctors said I would never walk, I would never run, and I as I got older I would probably be in a wheelchair. When I was 19 I was told I needed open heart surgery and that my heart was enlarged. I remember laying on the gurney at Duke Hospital, petrified, and I remember thinking to myself that this was it. I had made the mistake of reading up on the surgery beforehand… never. ever. do that. A surgeon would have my heart in his hands while my body was connected to a machine that would breathe for me. I thought about if this was really it, then I ‘d never know what it was like to get married. I would never experience being pregnant or having babies…nor would I buy my own home… or have a real job… and the list went on and on… Thankfully, my journey didn’t end there… my story wasn’t over… it was just beginning.
Being a mother is the most rewarding, the most frustrating, the most exhausting, the most humbling, and the single most important thing I will ever do in my lifetime. We aren’t to a point in our photography business where I can do it full time and stay at home, so every day I get up, get everyone ready for the day, and I go to work. I am fortunate to have a great job with full benefits, but I long for the day I can come home. I feel like I miss SO much working. And while we work to get our photography business built, we work two jobs which increases the time away from our kids. But, that makes the time we do get to spend with them even more precious.
I thought about this morning as I had time before the kids woke up… how many things we take for granted day in and day out. I thought about all the things I am going to miss one day, when they are grown and no longer at home with families of their own. As we work to build our business… as we work to support our family… we are overlooking the little things…
So I decided to spend a few minutes capturing our morning.
My house is never perfectly clean… my house is full of dog hair… from our very rotten furbaby…. there are toys in the floor, and inevitably a basket full of dirty clothes overflows into the floor of my bedroom. Seriously… somewhere we have about 15 missing people hiding that contribute to the dirty clothes.. There is no way 4 people can create the mountain of clothes that collects in this house!
There are crumbs from cookies….
Somewhere you may find a juice cup that was hidden and never found…
But one day there will be no more juice cups… there will be no more cookie crumbs… or the sound of giggling… the blaring cartoons, or the obnoxious toys…
There won’t be toy’s strewn in the floor, or the pitter patters of little feet in the hallway
So when it’s all said and done….. and they are grown… with families of their own… I hope they know that mommy always tried… that she loves them fiercely with all that she is…. that while she is far far from perfect… she strives to be the very best that she can possibly be. There are days that I make mistakes… that I get frustrated… that I get overwhelmed… and days that I’m just plain exhausted… but I will never stop trying… I will never stop believing in their ability to be amazing… I am the mama of two precious… gorgeous babies… they are my biggest blessings and and my proudest accomplishments! I may not always get it right…and that’s ok… we’re not expected to… but I will never stop trying to be the very best me that I can be. Because they deserve that. And if I could go back and tell that scared little 19 year old girl on that hospital gurney at Duke one thing… it would be breathe… take it all in… it will all be ok and one day your struggles will turn into your story….and your story will be amazing… God has so many blessings lined up for you… so breathe and live in the moment!
God isn’t done with me yet! (Thank the Lord!) My story isn’t over yet… so while I write my story… I vow to do better capturing it. I capture so many other memories for everyone else sometimes, I forget that I have my own memories to capture!
Are you capturing your memories? How are you writing your story?